We got a gig!

I am opening for The Mollies and Jordan Booth on January 30th 2009 at eight in the evening at Why Sound, a venue here in Logan, Utah. I am very excited; I haven't had a gig since before I left for basic training, in January of 2006!!! If you live near Logan, please come out and support me in my effort to terrorize the audience with my awful music! Ha! Just kidding; it won't be much of an effort!

Love all of you non-existent ghost-people who read this blog! Ha! Who am I kidding, not even ghosts would read this dried up old thing!

p.s. that last photo is of me, five months pregnant. I do not have a beer belly, thank you very much.

Early Birdies

My husband's immediate family had an early Thanksgiving today, since most of us po' folk cannot take time off to go spend four days in the (freezing!) desert of Moab, Utah. This is a tradition; The Family travels down to Moab, or there-abouts, and CAMPS for four days, feasting and hiking and playing games and feasting some more. I cannot even imagine why they started this, since no one in their *Right Mind* would want to go camping in Below Freezing temperatures... but of course, that is assuming The Family is completely sane! They are not, to their charming credit.

But I have diverged from the point of this post (Ha! I have lost my way! Bring on the breadcrumbs!).

So a small branch of The Family had a relatively quiet Thanksgiving at The Parents'-in-law House. I say relatively quiet because it is impossible to be just plain ole' Quiet when in the company of two young, boisterous boys, the children of my Sister-in-Law.

Normally, little Sophia is a very easygoing, quiet child. When she gets around her cousins, however, she becomes an entirely different baby. You see, she adores her cousins; I believe she thinks they hung the moon and proceded to invent finger foods! Sophie gets all growly and squealy and giggly and smiley when in their presence.

I love that she becomes so animated around her cousins. It makes me realize that she is truly a happy baby, and then I don't feel so bad for being a recluse and staying in all day, keeping her to myself.

(I am the Queen of Run-on Sentences, so shoot me.)

Love love love to everyone. I apologize for the rambling post, it is late and I am tired and ill.

Runny nosies and bad tempers

"She's such a charmer, oh no!"- Kings of Leon

Sophia, my darling little charming girl, has a runny nose, but it doesn't deem to bother her. It runs, she giggles. I wipe it, she wiggles. And then looks accusingly at me as if I ruined her art project.

I am genuinely under the weather. Scratchy, sore throat, throbbing head, hurting lungs. No workout for me today! Surprisingly, I am disappointed. I have actually come to like working out, strange as it seems.

Alas, I have no energy to go into detail about the day's activities (or lack thereof) so I will leave you with a pleasing picture of my delightful offspring.

Hansel and Gretel bloggers

Let me start by saying that I adore the great Blog-o-sphere, and all her inhabitants, the Bloggers. They inspire me, tickle me, and baffle me. Each blog I read is so unique in the content and theme and personality, and I can never choose my favorite. The authors have become like sisters to me, separated at birth by years and miles, backgrouds and political stances. Suffice it to say, Internettas rock my world!

One little, insignificant, negligible odd instance... I have noticed that many Bloggers are Cyber-Spacial Gretels, in that they often lose their way in a post. It is a regular occurrence to find the phrase (or variations of), "I digress," in many blogger posts.

I think this is what ties us Bloggas together. The fact that we all wander in the literary forest that is the Blog-o-spere. We each drop our breadcrumbs, little snippets of informative thoughts and feelings and musings that get devoured by the lurkers and regular commenters. Of course, it appears Bloggers do not mind this, in fact, Blogger Gretels contentedly continue to drop precious tidbits of their lives onto the ground, potential fodder for the occasional nasty lurker.

I am so glad that our royal Gretel Bloggerettas do not get discouraged by the disparaging comments made by nasty lurkers. Keep on keepin' on, ladies.

Oh I wish I were a little 'lectric eel

I recently, thanks to Dooce, stumbled across another great blog in the blog-o-sphere, called Flotsam. Flotsam is a brilliant blog, very well written. The authoress, Alexa, is riotously funny and has a wonderful insight to everyday life. I suggest you go to her blog if you need a little pick-me-up in the form of hilarity.

She has a little nine month old daughter, whom she obviously adores, because Alexa makes up verses to the normally hum drum kiddie song 'Oh I wish I were a little bar of soap'. Her new verses are even better than the original song! So on one of her latest posts, she challenged her readers to make up more verses to the song. And from there, the comment section practically EXPLODED with their creative, quirky rhymes. I am going to post all of them, because these ladies are way clever.

Disclaimer: I am not trying to steal anyone's thunder! I just thought it would be cool to have all the verses in one printable place.

(If I have failed to list all of them, if you notice yours wasn't on here, I sincerely apologize, I tried to get them all but I might have missed a few. Please let me know and I will edit this post to reflect the changes.)

Oh I wish I were a little platypus
Yes I wish I were a little platypus
I'd go nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle, and zoologists would puzzle
Oh I wish I were a little platypus

Oh, I wish I were a little mosquito,
Oh, I wish I were a little mosquito,
I'd go bitey, bitey, bitey under everybody's nightie,
Oh, I wish I were a little mosquito

Oh I wish I were a little Loch Ness monster
Yes I wish I were a little Loch Ness monster
I'd go tee-hee, tee-hee, tee-hee while everybody looked for me
Oh I wish I were a little Loch Ness monster

Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat
Yes I wish I were a little kitty cat
I'd ignore my loving fans, 'til I need them to open a can
Yes I wish I were a little kitty cat

Oh I wish I were a little 'rangutan
Yes I wish I were a little 'rangutan
I'd fling my corny poo while everyone screams "Ew!"
Yes I wish I were a little 'rangutan

I wish I were a little Lion Cub
Oh I wish I were a little Lion Cub
I'd go growly, growly, growly,
(But it sounds a lot like "meow-y!")
Oh I wish I were a little Lion Cub

I wish I were a little Kakapo
Oh I wish I were a little Kakapo
I'd go boom-y, boom-y, boom-y
to find myself a roomie
Oh I wish I were a little Kakapo

I wish I were a little Kakapo
Yes I wish I were a little Kakapo
I'd go skraarky, skraarky, skraarky
so you could find me in the dark-y
Oh I wish I were a little Kakapo

Oh I wish I was a little walrus pup.
Yes I wish a were a little walrus pup.
I'd go glubba-glubba-glub, til my mom shifted her chub.
Oh I wish I were a little walrus pup

Oh I wish I were a little baby deverish
Yes I wish I were a little baby deverish
I’d go whirly whirly whirly with every boy and girly
Oh I wish I were a little baby deverish

Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat
Yes I wish I were a little kitty cat
I wouldn’t say a word, and then I’d bring for you a bird
Oh I wish I were a little kitty cat

Oh I wish I were an existentialist
Yes I wish I were an existentialist
I’d go sulking all around, then say something profound
Oh I wish I were an existentialist

Oh I wish I were a little lump of dough
Yes I wish I were a little lump of dough
You could turn me into bread, or just pinch my cheeks instead
Oh I wish I were a little lump of dough

Oh I wish I were a little Christmas tree
Yes I wish I were a little Christmas tree
You could hang on me a pickle, with my needles I would tickle
Oh I wish I were a little Christmas tree

Oh I wish I were a little toothy beaver
Yes I wish I were a little toothy beaver
I’d go chewing right through wood, then I’d chew you if I could
Yes I wish I were a little toothy beaver

Oh I wish I were a little Bactrian,
Yes, I wish I were a little Bactrian,
You’d go bumpy, bumpy, bumpy
On my little camel humpy,
Oh I wish I were a little Bactrian

Oh I wish I was a spiky lil’ hedgehog,
Yes I wish I was a spiky lil’ hedgehog,
I’d go puffle, puffle, puffle, then I’d hide from all kerfuffle,
Oh I wish I was a spiky lil’ hedgehog.

Oh I wish I was a lil’ horseshoe crab,
Yes I wish I was a lil’ horseshoe crab,
I’d make everybody wary ’cause I’d look a little scary,
Oh I wish I was a lil’ horseshoe crab

Oh I wish I was a little elephant,
Yes I wish I was a little elephant,
I’d use my trunky-trunky-trunky just to pick you out a monkey,
Oh I wish I was a little elephant

Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy pony,
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy pony,
I’d go neigh-y, neigh-y, neigh-y, then they’d feed me some more hay-y,
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy pony

Oh I wish I were a little bitty mouse,
Oh I wish I were a little bitty mouse,
I’d go scamper, scamper, scamper, till you jumped upon your hamper,
Oh I wish I were a little bitty mouse

Oh I wish I were a little stripey snake
Oh I wish I were a little stripey snake
I’d go slither, slither, slither till you were all in a dither
Oh I wish I were a little stripey snake

Oh I wish I were a little sea horsey
Yes I wish I were a little sea horsey
I’d go canter, canter, canter, and make high falutin’ banter
Oh I wish I were a little sea horsey

Oh I wish I were a little scrappy pup
Yes I wish I were a little scrappy pup
I’d be so very tiny, but I’d still bite you in the hiney
Oh I wish I were a little scrappy pup

Oh I wish I were a hippopotamus
Yes I wish I were a hippopotamus
I would wallow, wallow, wallow where the river’s nice and shallow
Oh I wish I were a hippopotamus

Oh I wish I were a little bumble bee.
Oh I wish I were a little bumble bee.
I’d go buzzy buzzy bizzy
Until everybody’s dizzy
Oh I wish I were a little bumble bee

Oh, I wish I were a fruit fly.
Yes, I wish I were a fruit fly.
I could never make you cry,
I would go ever so high
oh, I wish I were a fruit fly

Oh, I wish I were a little weenie dog.
Yes, I wish I were a little weenie dog.
I’d go scooty, scooty, scooty as I dragged my little booty.
Oh, I wish I were a little weenie dog

Oh, I wish I were a little sleepy sloth,
Yes, I wish I were a little sleepy sloth.
I’d go snoozy, snoozy, snoozy; wakin’ up is such a doozy!
Oh, I wish I were a little sleepy sloth.

Oh I wish I were a little snapping turtle
Yes I wish I were a little snapping turtle
I’d go bite-y bite-y bite-y and I’d give you quite a fright-y
Oh I wish I were a little snapping turtle

Oh I wish I were a shiny scaly dragon
Yes I wish I were a shiny scaly dragon
If you filled me full of ire I’d singe you with my fire
Oh I wish I were a shiny scaly dragon

Oh I wish I were a little chimpanzee
Yes I wish I were a little chimpanzee
You and I would love to play and we’d share lots of DNA
Oh I wish I were a little chimpanzee

Oh I wish I were a little crocodile
Oh I wish I were a little crocodile
I would lurk around a while
then I’d chomp you up in style
Oh I wish I were a little crocodile!

Oh I wish I were a little water snake
Oh I wish I were a little water snake
I would lay beneath the water
then I’d nip you in your trotter
Oh I wish I were a little water snake!

Oh I wish I were a little fluffy skunk
Oh I wish I were a little fluffy skunk
I’d have a stripe right down my back
all dressed up in white and black
Oh I wish I were a little fluffy skunk

Oh I wish I were a little ocean oyster
Oh I wish I were a little ocean oyster
I’d surprise you with my pearl
and then you’d treat me like a girl
Oh I wish I were a little ocean oyster!

Oh I wish I were a little sly raccoon
Oh I wish I were a little sly raccoon
you might think I’m kinda shifty
but I’m really pretty thrifty
Oh I wish I were a little sly raccoon

Oh, I wish I were a little puppy dog
Yes, I with I were a little puppy dog
I’d go barky, barky, barky when you take me to the parky,
Oh, I wish I were a little puppy dog

Oh I wish I were a Spanish galleon
Yes I wish I were a Spanish galleon
My cannons roar and thunder as the colonies I plunder
Oh I wish I were a Spanish galleon

Oh I wish I were a little raindrop
Yes I wish I were a little rain drop
I’d go plinky plunky plinky as i give the trees a drink-y
Oh I wish I were a little raindrop

Oh I wish I were a star up in the sky
Yes I wish I were a star up in the sky
I would sparkle and I’d glow on the earth so far below
Yes I wish I were a star up in the sky

Oh I wish I were a little sheepy-dog
Oh I wish I were a little sheepy-dog
I’d cause drama drama drama when I sink my teeth in Farmer
Oh I wish I were a little sheepy-dog.

Oh I wish I were a fat and lazy hound
Oh I wish I were a fat and lazy hound
I’d go farty farty farty every time you have a party
Oh I wish I were a fat and lazy hound

Oh I wish I were a little squawky hen
Oh I wish I were a little squawky hen
I’d go clucky clucky clucky when my biggest eggs get stuck-y
Oh I wish I were a little squawky hen

Oh I wish I were a big old grumpy goose
Oh I wish I were a big old grumpy goose
I’d go honky honky honky and my waddle’s awful wonky
Oh I wish I were a big old grumpy goose

Oh I wish I were a little nematode
Oh I wish I were a little nematode
I’d go slither slither slither till I wound up in your liver
Oh I wish I were a little nematode

Oh, I wish I were a little furry moth,
Yes, I wish I were a little furry moth,
I’d go snacka-snacka-snacka,
On your favoritest alpaca,
Oh, I wish I were a little furry moth

oh I wish I were my baby’s little hands
oh I wish I were my baby’s little hands
I’d go lovey lovey lovey
with my grubby grubby grubbies
Oh I wish I were my baby’s little hands

Oh I wish I were my Sophie’s brown eyes
Oh I wish I were my Sophie’s brown eyes
I’d go peepy peepy peepy
Till I fell right off to sleepy
Oh I wish I were my Sophie’s brown eyes

Oh I wish I were a deadly Cockatrice
Oh I wish I were a deadly Cockatrice
I’d go looky looky looky
and make you feel all ook-y
Oh I wish I were a deadly Cockatrice

Oh I wish I were a slimy Basilisk
Oh I wish I were a slimy Basilisk
I’d go breathy breathy breathy
you’d expire something easy!
Oh I wish I were a slimy Basilisk

Oh I wish I were a little flying bat
Oh I wish I were a little flying bat
I would dive and I would hover
Make you scream and run for cover
Oh I wish I were a little flying bat

Oh I wish I were a little plucky guitar
Yes I wish I were a little plucky guitar
I'd go strummy strummy strummy,
and rest against your tummy
Oh I wish I were a little plucky guitar

Oh I wish I were a little CamelBak
Yes I wish I were a little CamelBak
I'd drip water water water,
to make you feel less hot-er
Oh I wish I were a little CamelBak

Oh I wish I were a little children's book
Yes I wish I were a little children's book
My pages go flippy flippy flippy
Your baby in drool would dip me
Oh I wish I were a little children's book

Oh I wish I were a little swinging door
Yes I wish I were a little swinging door
I'd go squeaky squeaky squeaky
And hit your bottom cheeky
Oh I wish I were a little swinging door

Oh I wish I were a little teapot
Yes I wish I were a little teapot
I'd go whistle whistle whistle
While my steam becomes a missile
Oh I wish I were a little teapot

Oh I wish I were a baby Okapi
Yes I wish I were a baby Okapi
You better come and hurry
to see me in Ituri
Oh I wish I were a baby Okapi

Oh I wish I were a little Medusa
Oh I wish I were a little Medusa
I would think it no great shakes
that my hair was made of snakes
Oh I wish I were a little Medusa

Oh I wish I were a little Camel Spider
Yes I wish I were a little Camel Spider
I'd go scuttle scuttle scuttle
And make you scream and huddle
Oh I wish I were a little Camel Spider

Oh I wish I were a little rooster chick
Yes I wish I were a little rooster chick
I'd run by you in a blur
And stick you with my spur
Oh I wish I were a little rooster chick

Oh I wish I were a little greedy colt
Yes I wish I were a little greedy colt
To satisfy my hungry tummy
for a treat, with you I'd get chummy
Oh I wish I were a little greedy colt

Oh I wish I were a little Orchid flower
Yes I wish I were a little Orchid flower
I’d go blossum, blossum, blossum
For nothin’ would you toss ‘em!
Oh I wish I were a little Orchid flower

Oh I wish I were a little Catydid
Yes I wish I were a little Catydid
On leaves I’d amble amble amble
And with the Ants I’d gamble
Oh I wish I were a little Catydid

Oh, I wish I were a little owly owl
Oh, I wish I were a little owly owl
I’d go hooty, hooty, hooty and then I’d bite you on the booty
Oh, I wish I were a little owly owl.

Oh I wish I were a slender crocodile
Yes I wish I were a slender crocodile
I would smile and smile and smile as I floated down the sparkling Nile
Oh I wish I were a slender crocodile

Oh I wish I were a furry lagomorph
Yes I wish I were a furry lagomorph
I’d nibble and gnaw all day just to keep my incisors at bay
Oh I wish I were a furry lagomorph

Oh I wish I were a chubby manatee
Yes I wish I were a chubby manatee
I could charm drunken, lonely seamen and leave them all day-dreamin’
Oh I wish I were a chubby manatee

Oh I wish I were a flippered platypus
Yes I wish I were a flippered platypus
I’d make taxonomists wonder ’bout the “mammal” from Down Under
Oh I wish I were a flippered platypus

Oh I wish I were a little unicorn
Yes I wish I were a little unicorn
I'd dance and caper so lightly
You'd think me purely sprightly!
Oh I wish I were a little unicorn

Oh I wish I were a little tree frog
Yes I wish I were a little tree frog
My brilliant colors like berries boyson
But please be careful of my poison!
Oh I wish I were a little tree frog

I wish I were a little horny toad
Yes I wish I were a little horny toad
With me everyone would sport
‘Till I gave you all a wart!
Oh I wish I were a little horny toad

Oh I wish I were a yummy cherry pie
Yes I wish I were a yummy cherry pie
I’d be gooey gooey gooey
As for calories, oh phooey!
Oh I wish I were a yummy cherry pie

Oh I wish I were a hungry crocodile
Yes I wish I were a hungry crocodile
I’d go snappy, snappy, snappy,
then I’d eat your great grand pappy!
Oh I wish I were a hungry crocodile

Oh I wish I were a little angel fish
Yes I wish I were a little angel fish
I would swim around in space,
and make a fishy face
Oh I wish I were a little angel fish

Oh I wish I were a silly vampire bat
Oh I wish I were a silly vampire bat
I would want to suck your blood,
but only if you were a bug
Oh I wish I were a silly vampire bat

Oh I wish I were a big polar bear
Yes I wish I were a big polar bear
I would rub my butt on ice,
because, of course, it feels so nice
Oh I wish I were a big polar bear.

Oh I wish I were a little pair of eyes
Oh I wish I were a little pair of eyes
I’d go blinky, blinky, blinky
then I’d winky, winky, winky
Oh I wish I were a little pair of eyes

Oh I wish I were a little pair of hands
Oh I wish I were a little pair of hands
I’d go clappy, clappy, clappy
It would make me very happy
Oh I wish I were a little pair of hands

Oh I wish I were a little comfy coat
Oh I wish I were a little comfy coat
I’d go huggy, huggy, huggy,
then you’d be all warm and snuggy
Oh I wish I were a little comfy coat

Oh I wish I were a little corny pun
Oh I wish I were a little corny pun
I’d make everybody groan
in a lovely baritone
Oh I wish I were a little corny pun

Oh I wish I were a little deadly bacterium
Yes I wish I were a little deadly bacterium
I’d go splittie splittie splittie and I’d colonise your city
Yes I wish I were a little deadly bacterium.

Oh I wish I were a little elephant
Yes I wish I were a little elephant
I’d have tusks all creamy yellow
and they’d festoon your piano (<- look: assonance)
Yes I wish I were a little elephant.

Oh I wish I were a little lolcat kitteh
Yes I wish I were a little cute lolcat
I’d go nomnom on a pie and be captioned kthxbai
Oh I wish I were a little lolcat kitteh.

Oh I wish I were a little angry lolrus
Yes I wish I were a little angry lolrus
I’d go fuckit fuckit fuckit
Why did they steals mah bukkit?
Oh I wish I were a little angry lolrus.

Oh I wish I were a little snarky blogger
Yes I wish I were a little snarky blogger
I’d go linky linky linky posting recipes for drinkies
Oh I wish I were a little snarky blogger

Oh, I wish I were a baby without gas,
Yes, I wish I were a baby without gas
I’d sleep wherever I did lie,
And my mommy wouldn’t cry,
Oh, I wish I were a baby without gas

Oh, I wish I were a little platypus,
Yes, I wish I were a little platypus.
I would paddle in my stream
and be a happy monotreme,
Oh, I wish I were a little platypus!

Oh, I wish I were a little whale of blue,
Yes, I wish I were a little whale of blue.
I would swim around the ocean,
anywhere I got the notion,
Oh, I wish I were a little whale of blue!

Oh, I wish I wish I were a little killer bee,
Yes, I wish I were a little killer bee.
I would sting someone and then
they would need an Epi-pen,
Oh, I wish I were a little killer bee!

Oh I wish I were a little baby rat
Yes I wish I were a little baby rat
I’d go squeak-y squeak-y squeak-y and the ladies would scream eeek!-y
Oh I wish I were a little baby rat

Oh I wish I were a little strip-ed tiger
Yes I wish I were a little strip-ed tiger
I’d go growl-y growl-y growl-y while I was on the prowl-y
Oh I wish I were a little strip-ed tiger

Oh I wish I were a tiny little crab
Yes I wish I were a tiny little crab
I’d go pinch-y pinch-y pinch-y up and down your every inch-y
Oh I wish I were a tiny little crab

Oh I wish I were a little baby starfish
Yes I wish I were a little baby starfish
If I came to any harm I’d just grow another arm
Oh I wish I were a little baby starfish

and finally, from the disgruntled grad student:
Oh I wish I were a lowly ABD
Yes I wish I were a lowly ABD
They can screw me every day and I ain’t got any say
Oh I wish I were a lowly ABD

Oh, I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.
Yes, I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.
I’d go spiny, spiny, spiny, don’t you dare get near my heiney,
Oh I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.

Oh. I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.
Yes, I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.
I’d go quill-y, quill-y, quill-y, til I heard you scream so shrill-y,
Oh I wish I were a tiny porcupine-y.

Oh I wish I were a little John McCain
Oh I wish I were a little John McCain
I’d say tsk tsk tsk when you say mom’s health’s at risk
Oh I wish I were a little John McCain.

Oh I wish I were a little Sarah Palin.
Oh I wish I were a little Sarah Palin.
I’d say you have to marry when you pop my daughter’s *ahem* cherry.
Oh I wish I were a little Sarah Palin

Oh I wish I were a little artist’s brush.
Oh I wish I were a little artist’s brush.
My work would never cease till I’ve made a masterpiece.
Oh I wish I were a little artist’s brush

Oh I wish I were a little killer whale
Yes, I wish I were a little killer whale
I’d smack you with my dorsal, you tasty little morsel,
Oh I wish I were a little killer whale

Oh I wish I were a fearsome great white shark
Yes I wish I were a fearsome great white shark
I’d snack on squid and seals galore (and maybe a surfer or four!)
Oh I wish I were a fearsome great white shark

Oh I wish I were a surly little llama
Yes I wish I were a surly little llama
I’d go spitty, spitty, spitty on your clothes–oh what a pity!
Oh I wish I were a surly little llama

Oh I wish I were a fuzzy galago
Yes I wish I were a fuzzy galago
By night my eyes would glow, glow, glow as along tree branches I’d go
Oh I wish I were a fuzzy galago

Oh I wish I were a chirpy lorikeet
Yes I wish I were a chirpy lorikeet
I would preen, preen, preen to give my feathers a most becoming sheen
Oh I wish I were a chirpy lorikeet

Oh I wish I were a swimming cetacean
Yes I wish I were a swimming cetacean
I would frolic with all the fish and sometimes spit up ambergris
Oh I wish I were a swimming cetacean

Oh I wish I were little Hip Hip-O
Oh I wish I were a little Hip Hip-O
I’d go wadey in the river then I’d tip your boat and chomp your liver
Oh I wish I were a Hip Hip-O

Oh I wish I were a little Aye-aye
Oh I wish I were a little Aye-aye
Id pokey pokey my long finger, to eat grubs and worms for dinner
Oh I wish I were a little Aye-aye

Oh I wish I were a cheeky monkey
Oh I wish I were a cheeky monkey
I’d eat bananas and fling poopy my red butt is kinda cute-y
Oh I wish I were a cheeky monkey

Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
You would find me ’round your sink,
or on the rim of your kid’s drink,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat.

Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
My little wings would still be flapping,
while around me hands are clapping,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat.

Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat,
‘Round bananas I would fly,
but with frost I’ll surely die,
Oh I wish I were an annoying little gnat.

Oh I wish I were a little lightning bolt,
Oh I wish I were a little lightning bolt,
I’d go zappy, zappy, zappy to the poopy in your nappy,
Oh I wish I were a little lightning bolt.

Oh I wish I were a little Julia,
Oh I wish I were a little Julia,
I’d be so pretty, pretty and iddy, iddy biddy,
Oh I wish I were a little Julia.

Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy moose
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy moose
I’d lay wastey wastey wastey to your garden plants so tasty
Oh I wish I were a little fuzzy moose

Oh I wish I were a little raven bird
Yes I wish I were a little raven bird
I’d go thrashy thrashy thrashy through your biggest bag of trashy
Oh I wish I were a little raven bird

Oh I wish I were a little sledding dog
Yes I wish I were a little sledding dog
I’d go mushy mushy mushy o’er the snowy trails I’d rushy
Oh I wish I were a little sledding dog

Oh I wish I were a little ptarmigan
Yes I wish I were a little ptarmigan
I’d go flighty flighty flighty underneath the northern lighties
Oh I wish I were a little ptarmigan

Oh I wish I were a little snowshoe hare
Yes I wish I were a little snowshoe hare
I’d go hoppy hoppy hoppy with my giant feet so floppy
Oh I wish I were a little snowshoe hare

Oh I wish I were a little otter pup
Yes I wish I were a little otter pup
I’d go gambol gambol gambol for an abalone scramble
Oh I wish I were a little otter pup

Oh I wish I were a little grizzly bear
Yes I wish I were a little grizzly bear
I’d grow hairy hairy hairy when I gorged on wild berries
Oh I wish I were a little grizzly bear

Oh I wish I were a little polar bear
Yes I wish I were a little polar bear
I’d go squealy squealy squealy when I caught a chunky sealy
Oh I wish I were a little polar bear

Oh I wish I were a little sneaky fox
Yes I wish I were a little sneaky fox
I’d go runny runny runny underneath the midnight sunny
Oh I wish I were a little sneaky fox

Oh I wish I were a little caribou
Yes I wish I were a little caribou
I’d go chewy chewy chewy on the tundra lush and dewy
Oh I wish I were a little caribou

Oh I wish I were a little arctic squirrel
Oh I wish I were a little arctic squirrel
I’d go sleepy sleepy sleepy through the winter dark and deepy
Oh I wish I were a little arctic squirrel

Oh I wish I were a monkey in a tree.
Yes I wish I were a monkey in a tree.
I would chatter, chatter, chatter,then I’d eat all your bananers.
Oh I wish I were a monkey in a tree

Oh I wish I was a little English Sparrow
Oh I wish I was a little English Sparrow
I’d go sit upon the steeple and spit at all the people
Oh I wish I was a little English Sparrow

Oh I wish I was a little kitty cat
Oh I wish I was a little kitty cat
I’d go lay in the sun and answer to no one
Oh I wish I was a little kitty cat

Oh I wish I were a little barnacle
Yes I wish I were a little barnacle
I’d go grippy, grippy, grippy
Underneath a pirate ship-py
Oh I wish I were a little barnacle

Guilty

As charged. I'm giving up on the whole NaBloPoMo thingy... guess I didn't have it in me to follow deadlines! So writer gets scratched off the list.

So... this kinda feels like the end of a relationship where neither one of the lovers has anything left to say but are both reluctant to go, knowing it is the last semi-decent encounter they will have with each other.

Picture! That will do it, make the break-off much easier. Here you go:

I'ma gonna sell that klutz

That aforementioned Klutz gave me the run around yesterday. Literally. I arrived at the field where he is kept and proceded to find him so I could doctor up the wound on his foot. Before I get within fifty feet of the bugger, he goes tearing off across the field, with his golden oldie buddies struggling to keep up. I spent forty-five minutes trying to catch him, to no avail. I was so angry with him that I said some things I never thought I would say, telling him I hated him and I was going to sell him, all the while blubbering the words because of snot and tears running down my face.

I have never, in the three years I have owned him, had this kind of trouble. Sure, he has been stubborn and woolheaded, but he has never evaded capture before.

I think it is something in this Utah air. Maybe he is royally pissed off at moving away from his farm home back in Virginia, the only home he has ever really known.

Now, of course, I have had second thoughts about selling the Light-blasted horse. Even after all the crap our equine friends kick our way, we self-diagnosed 'horse lovers' will never sell 'em. I guess it is some kind of blood disorder, in that it is IN our blood.




(I didn't post yesterday because, #1, I was so angry with Apollo, #2, I had a bad hair day, and #3, we hosted a house-warming party, since we just moved in to our apartment here at the University.)

The Klutz

You wouldn't really notice it just looking at him, but this guy here, he is the biggest Klutz that ever walked on four legs. No, I take that back... he is actually pretty balanced normally, but when it comes to special situations, like trying to make friends with other horses across a barbed wire fence, he downright stinks at agility.

Apollo cut up his right fore leg and his chest today on barbed wire. I was feeling fragile today, so something like this if course would send me into hyper-drive. So, since I had failed to assemble a good horsie first aid it, I had to gather the required supplies to tend his wounds. First, I headed to the local hardware store, which reputedly carries ranch supplies. However, when I got there, there was a pitifully dimiutive supply of... heh, ranch supplies! So, I ask the two teenaged sales people where I could find what I was looking for, and after plenty of vague directions given in "like, um" speech, I was able to discern the approximate position of a likely provider of the items I was searching for (betadine solution, leg wraps, cloth bandage, wound-healing pastes, tetanus vaccination solution, needle, syringe, etc.). So, I drive the fifteen minutes it takes to get to Smith and Edwards, reputedly "The Greatest Store In The World", and lo and behold, this Super Store does not carry betadine! Well, I again ask where I can find the elusive betadine solution; this time, I actually was able to understand the directions given, and with no trouble at all arrive at my (hopefully) last destination: C.A.L. Ranch! Now, C.A.L. Ranch is very similar to Tractor Supply Co., so of course I was able to procure the aforementioned items!

(You know, this story had a point when I started, but now I have forgotten it, so it ends here. Oh, I doctored up Apollo's leg and my father-in-law gave the shot, and through it all my horsie was a gentleman! So he was rewarded with a yummy apple straight from the orchard.)

Eh, I feel like I am running out of steam! I think NaBloPoMo will be the death of me.

Music! It's been awhile

Ok, so I have been searching out venues that host open mics here in Logan, Utah, and I have been moderately successful. Why Music just off the main street is one such place, and it is possible that the university has something... they have a college radio station!

So maybe I will get in a couple of open mics before school resumes in January. After that, I will be flying by the seat of my pants (oy, over-used idioms are the worst!) trying to keep up with classwork and my little baby.

If you haven't yet, check out my myspace, We Fight The Giant Squid. I will make it a link to this post for convenience.

And... boom!

Oh, Little Sophia. Poor little bug, her eyes are red and puffy, and her nose is leaking oozy snot. But this little pumpkin is smiling! I suppose now she thinks she has the upper hand, since I am allowing her to sit in my lap on the bed, staying up WAY past her bedtime of 8 o'clock. Normally, she is snoozin' not five minutes after I put her down, but tonight... tonight, she might be a little sick with a cold. Poor widdle bean.

And since she is way too enamored with the computer, I shall end this short post. (But it counts as a post!!!! Take that, NaBloPoMo!!!)

"When she blows up, she'll scatter 'cross the hills..."

Okay! November 5th... and we have a President Elect, Obama. Congrats to the American public for sanctioning and supporting that heinous institution, The Two Party System. Not saying I have a problem with Obama or McCain (not one, several... but that is beside the point), but when it comes down to choosing between two not-so-great choices, I think we may have a problem.

Why not check out Ron Paul or Ralph Nader on their stances concerning how the country should be run. We should try to move away from That Two Party System (where both sides are backed my major slimy corporations and shady conglomorates) and move toward a better way to run our country. Just because Obama (and McCain, sure, why not) had the most support (read: cash, money, moola, dinero, whichever bogus moniker you wish to bestow upon it), I ask why should we succumb to a farcical popularity contest.

I know, I know. 'Money doesn't buy happiness, but it is sure great to have some!'.

Well, hats of to Obama for winning, a dubious honor. I sure wouldn't want to suddenly find myself in the situation of fixing EVERY DAMN THING THAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY. That is way too much of the world on your shoulders, Atlas. I do realize that with our Checks and Balances system, the President has about as much influence on what goes on in our country as a flea has on the giant dog it inhabits, but poor Mr. President. He has to deal with all those ignorant fools who believe the President can drastically CHANGE THINGS that are wrong... and so, a few years down the road, when America realizes nothing significant has been done to FIX ______ (insert gripe here), poor Mr. President will be, if not the greatest, at least most popular, Scapegoat in the world.

Yay for America. I bet the Fouding Father's are spining (and vomiting) in their graves.

Wait a moment! Before you start calling me down as a racist, this rant has nothing to do with color, race, sex, what-have-you. I am in no way racist. I love Everyone, and give respect to those who deserve it. So please, before you start thinking I am just saying this because *gasp* we finally have someone other than an old white dude as our Commander in Chief, please recant that thought. I feel sorry for all of our Presidents. Because, Atlas, the world is too large.

I do secretly hope Obama can turn things around, just to have proof that fairy-tales do come true.

"She's so far behind, she ain't got the brains to quit it"

This is National Blog Posting Month, or if you prefer to shorten it, NaBloPoMo. I am already behind! It is Election Day, and the polls are blazing up in a riotous geyser of human fire... I feel slightly disconnected; I am ashamed to admit that I... did... not... *cringe*... vote!

Before you start wailing over the loss of Democracy in this country because of people like moi, please, allow me to give an excuse that I hope can at least be tolerated if not accepted. I was going to send away for an absentee ballot, since we recently relocated rather swiftly to this great state of Utah and had not yet made it our official home. However... days are too short, and they fly by faster than cheetahs, or chicken hawks, or... well, you get what I'm trying to say. I realized last Tuesday that it was the day to have sent in my ballot... and I hadn't even sent away for one yet.

Anyway, please forgive my attemps at being cheeky; I am not a regular blogger, so challenging myself to this NaBloPoMo probably will be a disaster.

Tomorrow I shall endeavor to new catastrophic blogging heights!

Woooo Hooo!!! VOTE!!!!

Troublesome Pumpkin

I have a beautiful baby daughter, called Sophia. She was born on Leap Day of this year, that is, February 29, 2008. Such an auspicious day to come into the world. The delicate, intricate strains of music by harp-guitarist Andy McKee heralded her coming, at four-thirty on that Friday morning.

Sophia will be eight months old this week. Her first months have flown by on graceful, silent wings, and before I know it, she is doing things I feel I am not ready for her to be doing! Where did that tiny, helpless, floppy little grub hie off to? Now she is crawling at Mach three speed, showing intense inquisitiveness that only a baby, just now discovering The World, can show.

She has, in the last few months, picked up some strange and amusing habits. Sophia has learned to imitate a ferocious, growling monster, grumbling and snarling to get a laugh out of her audience. As she suckles, she hums pleasantly in rising and falling waves of monotone bliss, often subconsciously imitating me as I hum softly back to her. When she concentrates, her little eyebrows knit together in an adorable emulation of a scientist hard on the heels of discovery. As if her hands have a collective mind all their own, she cannot but touch and handle and feel everything within her grasp, exploring anything that comes into her awareness. She is inexorably studying her world, and with it comes understanding. You can see it in her eyes, and once she has something figured out, the pleasure shining brightly on her face is enough to make me fall head-over-heels in love with her over and over again.

In celebration of you, Sophia, my sweet little grub, a video to embarrass you in the years to come.

Love,
Mama

(click on the title of this post to view the video)

The Fear

They say that when you've got The Fear, you get things done. A fire is lit under your bum, and off you go like a rocket, trying your damned-est to achieve whatever it is you have set your sights on without falling into the proverbial Oblivion of Failure. I have been wallowing in the mud on the edge of the Oblivion of Failure recently, for no other reason than to play chicken with my inner... selves.

Well now I have The Fear. That archetypal Fire has been lit, and I am off and running. I have been scared for so long... scared of what? Well, just plain old scared, scared to put myself out there and go back to school, play music with my heart on my sleeve, scared of doing things the way I used to rock 'em. I am going to enter the Spring semester at the University and finally be on my way to a Bachelor of Animal Sciences with an Emphasis in Equine Science and Management. Ain't that a mouthful?!

AND (although we have been taught to NEVER start a sentence with and, I will break the rules today because I can) AND, I now promise and do solemnly swear to dandle my guitar on my knee and sing it to sleep every night for at least an hour.

Yeah, I'm getting back in the game and now I've got The Fear.

Screw it

So the subject of this blog has jumped from My Music to Sharing Good Music to Commenting on Farmer's Market Produce And Other Inane Subjects to My Personal Online Diary That I Deluded Myself Into Thinking No-one Reads. Thankfully I have yet to divulge critically embarassing information to the general Internet Public (however, I fear that circumstance will rear it's ugly head in the future) and I have decided I will write whatever comes to mind, just spread it willy-nilly across the proverbial wall that is the Internet.

Still, on the other hand, I will not fool myself with the number of people who do read this blog... likely that number falls below zero, a sad but factual fact. Factual Fact? Really? Can I be more uninspiring? I believe I can!

Recently, my darling spouse and I received a feral fluff up our nether regions and packed up our entire house and daughter, tossed it all (sans the daughter, who had the dubious honor of being strapped into a car seat) into the back of a sixteen-foot Budget rental truck and drove across the great continent of North America. A three day drive, not counting the nights. Which, by the way, started at one or two in the morning when we had exhausted our supply of energy drinks and grudgingly checked into a motel. I surmise that our unofficial motto for the trip was "Get there faster than the speed of sound, and please obliterate your sanity by stuffing yourselves into the ridiculously small confines of the Budget Truck Cab."

I think this is the appropriate moment to steal a popular Canadian interjection: Oy.

Now, what would make this move to Northern Utah better? Add one slightly stressed mommy (me), minus a husband (he is now working all the time!) and an apartment to live in (Inlaws house!!! Par-tay!!!) and what do you get? Full-on Depression with a capital D.

Of course, I might be able to alleviate the pain, I suppose. I know I should go for more walks outside in the neighborhood with little Sophie and her high-tech stroller. I should excersize, and I should try to eat better. I should study! Because studying and learning is supposed to make people feel like they are worth something in this life.

But, bottom line, I don't have the energy. For anything. I thought that the time in which I get used to being a mom and incorporating Sophia into my schedule would be over now. "Life used to be life-like".... and now it is just a series of endless, numbered days.

Welcome to the World, Sophia!!! It sucks!!! You will love it!!!

Dreams

I am recovering from a dream I had last night. In it, a dear friend of mine who I used to go skiing with in High school, hates me... and this overwhelming feeling present throughout that the hatred he carried for me ran so deep it perverted everything it touched. Interesting, how the mind twists things into unrecognizable situations.




ha, this blog has turned into an online journal. Well, since no one reads it anyway, might as well use it as such.

Orchasm Rock

Orchasm: a mix of the words Orgasm and Orchestra. Used to describe a genre of music that is often characterized by orchestra music fused with experimental black metal; the compositions usually begin quiet and with a skeleton crew of musical instruments, then, either gradually or quickly, become a riot of sound.

A good friend of mine came up with this term to describe a group of musicians who go by the name of God Speed You Black Emporer! I suspect this band's music will be hard to find, so I will include a link to one of their songs. Still, I encourage you to find this band; it is a wonderful addition to a great music collection.

Rambling Rose

I love Disney movies. I think everyone loves Disney movies, or at least the ones that came before about 1999... the classics, man, the classics...

And as a tribute to our beloved children's movies, here is Kiss the Girl. A song. One of the best songs ever written by a Disney underling. I love playing it, it so sweet and simple but full of passionate love. Ok, I am finished waxing goofy. Listen, and I hope you enjoy.

Farmer's Market

Farmer's market is a riot. Such yummy delicious fresh grass-fed picked-that-morning still-smells-like-dirt sold-by-sketchy-dude-wearing-plastic-bags-on-his-feet GOODNESS! It is heaven, nirvana, or one of the tiers of glory, whichever relig you subscribe. Okra as big as a pidgeon. Green beans as long as my forearm. AND the produce is much cheaper than store bought. AND it doesn't look like it has been in cold storage for the last seven years.

All hail the Acorn Squash, garden fresh.

I love Open Mic Nights...

...at Baja Bean!!! Here in Charlottesville, downtown on the corner across from the UVA campus, there is a little restaurant called Baja Bean... they have open mic starting at 9pm on Mondays.

I love playing at the Bean because the people who come out and play are so talented!!!

Change

I have a myspace musician's account, and it is www.myspace.com/wefightthegiantsquid

That is the best I can do!!! I think that will be easier/better to upload songs for ya'll to listen to.

HOWEVER, I still would love to discuss music, so comment here if you like.

Cannonball cover

I love this song. Damien Rice is the man.

(I told you I would get it up here didn't I? Patience pays off, doesn't it?)

ps. I know there is some odd echo going on during this song. I could not figure out how to fix it... oy.

a cover song

This is my cover of a Postal Service song, called DC Sleeps Alone Tonight.

maybe that's the alcohol talking

original song (this one took me a long time to write because I would write it then lose the words... this happened at least twice!!!)

enjoy

Grizzly Bear

If you haven't yet heard them, check out Grizzly Bear. Great band, phenomenal actually. They have music vids on myspace.

Petroleum Headache

Well, I have never had a good relationship with Technology, a fickle little thing. It took me a while to figure out how to do this, but here is a song. It's called Petroleum Headache.

(In order to hear it, you have to click on this post's title and download it... I'm going to try to find a better way to stream music on this blog...)

Pilot Post

Hey hey, we have a music blog. This blog is completely dedicated to music. I will be posting audio files of my original songs and also covers of some of my favorites, and also have discussions about certain kinds of music, favorite bands, new bands I have come across, etc.

The genres I enjoy are folk (like old Jewel stuff, Nickel Creek, Iron and Wine, Damien Rice, Ani DiFranco, Paul Simon, Elliot Smith, Dashboard Confessional, The Shins, Nick Drake, Jack Johnson, Trystan Prettyman, Ryan Adams, Ben Harper, Rickie Lee Jones, Joze Gonzalez, Johnny Cash, Elana Brody...), all kinds of Rock (Coldplay, Death Cab For Cutie, Grateful Dead, Radiohead, The Postal Service, The Beatles, Phish, Modest Mouse, Pinback, La Tigre, Kings Of Leon), and some stuff that is so great as to be un-classifi-able, if that is even a word! (TalkDemonic, Andy McKee, Andrew Bird, Sigur Ros, Bjork, Rodrigo y Gabriela, Portishead, etc...); I also love Orchestral/Classical music.

Please feel free to enter into these discussions; I do enjoy a good chat about music, and I would love to hear about new music and bands that move your hearts and souls... let me know, yeah?